When someone is in a stressful situation, some physiological things occur. The muscles tense, the throat constricts, blood flow retreats toward the center of the body, circulation is reduced and breath becomes more shallow. Sometimes people actually hold their breath as if they were under water. Analytic brain function is reduced as well.
We can’t really prevent that, it just happens, but we can change it.
Work on breathing in and out though your nose, making your diaphragm expand and contract with each breath, make a full exhale so on your inhale you get more oxygen. Do this while your are remembering past situations that were stressful. Even in the past these situation will create some of that same physiological response. With good breathing technique you are teaching yourself a new response to similar situations that may occur in the future.You can make this a “muscle memory” over time, so that it will happen more automatically. This will help to relax the muscles and push more blood flow to your brain and extremities.
So now let us kick that stress senario up a notch and say you are in a scary or vulnerable situation, one in which you may even be attacked. Your first line of defense in a direct confrontation should be your voice, but your voice won’t help if it comes out in a high pitched squeek or whisper. Again, this is something you will need to practice, and it’s easier for some of us than it is for others. Using that same breathing technique I just mentioned, work on adding a single word and make it come from your diaphram. As you exhale and contract those muscles say “NO!” as loudly and as deeply as you can. (You might want to do this with your doors and windows closed so you aren’t attracting attention you don’t want.) It may sound silly, but you will also need to knit your eyebrows, frown and make what I call a NO face. If you are smiling and your face is relaxed your voice will have a higher pitch.
This is very different than screaming. Screaming is inarticulate and suggests panic, hysteria and having no control. You could hope it makes the attacker think you are crazy and leave, but it may also empower him/her if you are in a place where no one else can easily hear you.
Work on this until you know your voice will carry. The added benefit is that you will exhale fully, preventing the possibility of hyper-ventilating, and get more oxygen into your lungs on your next inhale. This will help you fight the feeling that you’re frozen and can’t move or think, preventing you from taking action. (Like running away!)
Practice with lots of single syllable words, “NO!” “STOP!” “HELP!”, then add simple phrases, “GET BACK!” “GO AWAY!” With children I would teach them to yell “MOM, HELP!” First to make a possible attacker think that mom was nearby, and second because it would guarantee any other mother in ear shot would take notice. Anytime any child yells mom, to this day, I look for the source, even though my daughter is an adult, it’s just ingrained in us mothers.
With an adult, I teach them to use their spouses or a friends name for the same reason, even if no one is around the attacker wouldn’t necessarily know that, so it may be a deterrent.
Whether you are in a situation where someone is being socially aggressive and you need to respond assertively in a deeper stronger way, or you are in a situation that could become physically dangerous, learning to breath through it and use your voice affectively will help.
There is much more to recognizing, avoiding and or confronting stressful situations. I will be posting a series of safety and awareness techniques over time.
Remember, physical defense should be taught in person, with an experienced trainer, but if you have a good base of safety information, your personal security and peace of mind will be greatly enhanced.
F.Y.I. an added benifit to physical defense training is that a good instructor, (me for instance (-:) will create artificially stressful encounters and teach you effective ways to deal with them. This kind of training can give you tools and confidence to deal with analogous situations that aren’t necessarily threatening in a physical way, but can give rise to intimidation. You can learn breath and balance, how to remain centered, how to exit a situation gracefully, and how to speak strongly if necessary without being aggressive.
My husband and I have frequently done volunteer bartending for community events, where most people are great, but there is on occasion one or two that get a little rowdy, confrontational or loud. It has served us well to be able to project calmness awareness, control and assertiveness when needed.
Practice, breathe, be well and as always,
Keep moving!
Sandra